By Maris “Damaris” Iloka
In a world fueled by external validation and social media’s ever-watchful eye, the pressure to conform to societal expectations and seek approval from others can be overwhelming. Many of us have found ourselves caught in the trap of living our lives based on what people will say or think about us.
Examining the drawbacks of living solely for the approval of others reveals a spectrum of detrimental effects that touch various facets of one’s life, regardless of social class or background. These consequences are universal and impactful:
Firstly, there’s the danger of losing one’s authenticity in the relentless pursuit of validation. Constantly seeking approval blurs the lines between one’s true desires and what they perceive others expect of them.
Secondly, anxiety and stress become constant companions as individuals fear falling short of the expectations placed upon them, exacting a toll on their mental and emotional well-being.
The compulsion to prioritize external validation also results in missed opportunities. Personal growth is stymied, and passions are often left unexplored due to the fear of potential rejection or disapproval.
Lastly, relationships bear the brunt of this behavior, as authenticity gives way to image maintenance. Genuine connections falter, strained by the need to project a certain façade rather than fostering sincere, meaningful bonds. The behavior of living for others is influenced by a variety of factors. One significant contributor is the pervasive influence of social media, where the carefully curated nature of platforms can fuel a constant desire for approval and lead to unhealthy comparisons with others. Additionally, early experiences in childhood, such as seeking approval from parents or peers, can lay the foundation for a lifelong pattern of seeking external validation. These early encounters can establish a precedent that individuals may unwittingly carry with them into adulthood, perpetuating the cycle of living for the approval of others.
It’s essential to consider the role of societal expectations in this equation. Society’s norms and anticipated behaviors can create a compelling force, pressuring individuals to conform to particular standards. For instance, there’s the prevalent societal pressure to host an extravagant wedding that becomes the talk of the town for years, as if it’s a benchmark for garnering respect within one’s social circles. Similarly, societal expectations extend to the type of vehicle one drives, influencing choices in a way that aligns with these established norms.
During the broadcast of the program “Sharing Life Issues, with Damaris” our guest, Aunty Soby, a family wellness consultant, shared her personal journey from her youth. She recounted her time in the choir, where she harbored a strong desire to receive recognition as a talented singer, much like her peers. However, the expected acknowledgment and compliments failed to materialize, leaving her with a sense of unfulfillment. Today, Aunty Soby has gained insight into the importance of self-discovery, emphasizing the significance of understanding one’s identity, particularly as a child of God, and uncovering God’s purpose for one’s life. She extended her encouragement to anyone grappling with the burdensome pursuit of external approval, urging them to embark on a journey of self-discovery as the starting point for liberation.
Breaking free from the cycle of living for others is a profoundly liberating journey that commences with the vital step of rediscovering your authentic self. This transformative process involves several key elements. It begins with self-reflection, a deep dive into your values, passions, and desires, discerning what genuinely holds significance for you. Self-acceptance is next on the path, where you wholeheartedly embrace your unique qualities and imperfections, recognizing that the pursuit of external validation is an endless endeavor. Further down the road, identifying your life’s purpose and establishing personal goals in alignment with your values takes precedence, ensuring that your pursuits are driven by genuine passion rather than a desire to please others. Mindfulness plays a crucial role in maintaining presence and reducing anxiety stemming from the opinions of those around you. Lastly, seeking support is encouraged, as connecting with friends, family, or a therapist can offer valuable guidance and unwavering support as you navigate this empowering journey of self-discovery and liberation.
In conclusion, the drawbacks of living solely for the approval of others are far-reaching and universal, affecting individuals regardless of their social class or background. Living for the approval of others can be a silent and destructive force in one’s life, from the loss of authenticity to the strain on relationships. However, amidst these challenges, there exists a path towards liberation and self-discovery. It is a journey encapsulated by the phrase ‘Breaking Free and Healing.’ Aunty Soby’s story served as a beacon of hope and inspiration for those who tuned in to “Sharing Life Issues.” Her story serves as a poignant reminder that genuine contentment begins with self-discovery and self-acceptance. It’s time to break free from the shackles of external validation and live life on our own terms, knowing that our worth isn’t defined by the opinions of others. Embrace your authentic self, discover your purpose, and start living a life that truly reflects who you are and free from the burden of seeking approval from others.
